Personal: Senior Dating in 2022

 

Senior Dating - 2022

This is an update from a short article I wrote over 2 years ago: Senior Dating in 2020 - Covid19 in May (This link will open in a new window, so you can read it and return here.)

I ended the blog with the lament "I miss people!"

Post-COVID

The COVID lock-down is over, but the world has changed. One analogy is people slowly coming outside after a once-in-a-century rain. The flooding has changed the landscape. Roads have been washed away, and new rivers exist where none had existed before.

The world is new and lush and green. Just different. Life is returning, but it's different as we try to understand "the new normal."

This is a follow-up to another article."Dating and Companionship in 2019" (Again, this link will open in a new link, so you can read it and return here.) There, I discussed four points:

Inertia

This is still valid. I took the position that the next four years will look a lot like the last 4 years.

Age (Mine)

I had just turned 70 years old, and I was surprised at my reaction. How did I get there so quickly?

Baggage

"History" would have been a better word. I don't look at this in a negative sense. I was acknowledging that my age group has over 50 years of life experience behind us. There is over a century of personal history for two people (my age) to share!

Relationships Take Time

This, too, is still true!

I visited my brother in Texas over the Memorial Day weekend. My sister was there, too, and she pointed out that our family tended to live into their 80s. This year I am 73 years old. I feel healthy enough to go that far, at least. But I also know how uncertain life is.

My future...?

I'm revisiting dating sites. This time I have even less enthusiasm and confidence. I've reactivated my Match and POF profiles, but I'm not ready to spend money there. (I have since "hidden" my Match.com profile because a subscription is necessary for even a first contact.)

I set my search criteria for women ages 69-74 who live within 10 miles of Safety Harbor. However, POF changes it to a 25-mile radius when I'm not paying attention. "Geographic compatibility" is important.

I read the profiles for the ladies who take the time to actually write something. (FYI: I post lengthy profiles of my own.)

The shortest profiles I've found are only 1-2 sentences long. Most profiles are positive and enthusiastic. The profiles sometimes list what women don't want:

• No drug users or alcohol abuses
• Not interested in "long-distance" relationships
• Want to text and email only
• No Trumpers or Republicans
• No game-players; no "ghosting"

Apparently, some women have had very negative experiences.

"Activity Partner"

I found a phrase in one profile that sent me down several rabbit holes! Embedded was the idea that she was searching for an "activity partner." 

Rabbit Hole #1 - "My" activities.

Stephen Stills released a song that included these lyrics: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." I realized that is the way I approach activities. To paraphrase the sentiment: 
"If you can't do the things you love, love what you're doing."

In other words, I look for joy in whatever I'm doing even if it started out as distasteful.

I listed a lot of activities on my own dating profile. This is a list of things I've done in the last decade, not necessarily something I'm doing now.  

The list is intended to show that I am open to (almost) anything and that I can participate in a variety of conversations.

Rabbit Hole #2 - "Her" activities.

Women sometimes list activities on their profiles. (Zumba fitness, freestyle dancing, travel, beach, gardening, cooking, lunch with girlfriends, etc.)

Until now, none of them indicated that they are looking specifically for an "activity partner" to share those things! 

That phrase, activity partner, has changed my perspective on how to read profiles.

Are they, too, looking for an activity partner? Or, are they trying to give some insight into the people they are? 

Now, as I read the lists of activities, do I see myself doing any of them? 

Yes. 

Kinda. 

Sometimes. 

For example, I have no interest in Zumba because its purpose is exercise. 

I will get onto the dance floor if my partner has low expectations of my abilities. I learned that  I dance like an elephant wearing a pink tutu when I was taking ballroom dance lessons.

Until now, I had not considered their list of activities to be an invitation to join them.

Rabbit Hole #3 - Do I have activities to share with a partner?

Not particularly.

The challenge is that for most of my life, and especially since COVID struck two years ago, my activities are not "sharable."

I enjoy writing. As an "activity partner," would someone want to spend time watching me type. 

• Are you enjoying reading this post? It's taken me a few hours over a couple of days. As a reader, you're interested in the final product. 
• I enjoy building websites. 
• The overall site design is a collaborative effort mostly of interest to the owner.
• The building process is a solitary effort.
• Guilty: I've been neglecting my other blog ABCInc, which I've used as a professional outlet.
• More Guilty: I've been procrastinating in the books I want to write/publish.

I enjoy reading. That, too, is not an activity that's easily shared unless someone else is interested in that particular topic.

I enjoy service to others. Presently I am serving the local VFW and the local Genealogy Society to produce hybrid meetings for their memberships. While I do enjoy the social interaction during these times, my focus is on making these successful for everyone.

I enjoy teaching. I may have inherited this from my grandfather. I find it rewarding to see the proverbial light go on as someone says "I can do this!" But what is the activity to share?

While I would like to have someone joined at the hip, I think it's too late in life for me and one other person to actively share all the things I've been enjoying for the last few years.

Rabbit Hole #4 - Why do I want a partner?

Ah! That is the question..

First. the house sometimes seems empty. I can appreciate the attraction of dogs or cats.

Next, there are some activities where a companion is a great addition to the event.

Finally, I'm beginning to sense that my world is getting smaller, and more focused on petty things. It's become routine, and in my mind, unproductive.

Guess what!? I don't have any answers to close with. Do you have any thoughts to share?