Sleeping Together

It's Not About SEX

When I was 10 years old (or so) I fantasized about sleeping with someone. I would prop my arm in the air and pretend there was someone sleeping within an arm's reach.

This was before puberty, before hormones, and before I had any interest in sex.

That was 60 years ago and began a life-long pursuit of realizing that fantasy. (Currently unfulfilled, BTW. More later in this article.)

I grew up in a time when men were taught to be providers, protectors; responsible.

As much as I may have wanted it then, and since then, I rejected being cuddled and coddled. "Pampered" was great, but not in any way that diminished my perception of me being the protector. That's a really fine line for any partner to work with. Coddled? No. Pampered? Yes.

Being the cuddler is different. There is no better feeling in the world than holding a woman in my arms that feels safe and secure. That's as comforting to me as it is for her.

My first experience sleeping with a woman was really special. The sex was OK (hormones mask inexperience for 20-year-old males), but simply sharing the bed overnight and greeting the morning together was remarkable.

I didn't marry until my early 20s, then again in my 40s. I had a 3rd partner that lived with me longer than the sum of my two marriages. During those periods of my life I reveled in routinely having someone to sleep with.

Yes, sex was a major part of being awake in bed early in the relationship. The nudity and orgasms enhanced the intimacy of the subsequent sleeping together. For whatever else going on in my life, my world was complete the moment as I dozed off. Later in the relationship, sex happened less often but sleeping together was always special.

Looking back, I realize that sex was only the path to getting to the intimacy of sharing the night. [BTW: The sex was great over the years. There was no such thing as a bad orgasm, but it was the path to cuddling time.]

On the flip side of that, my worldview was horrible when I had to lay overnight next to a woman without touching; consciously not touching. I should have left those relationships earlier, but there was always the hope and possibility that the next night would be different.

I can fill up my daytime waking hours. I am engaged in a lot of activities, and still pursue dreams of success. By choice, there is not really a lot of room in my life for me to pay attention to another adult. This covid-19/pandemic has made my world smaller.

For me, the most difficult part of the day is bedtime: after the lights go out and before I fall asleep.

Today, as a septuagenarian, I still miss sleeping with someone.

Rick's Bibliography